My Story

I believe I was born a sugar addict. As far back as I can remember I had an unhealthy relationship with sugar.

I loved sugar and all sweet things and could never leave over for tomorrow no matter how much there was. Yet, sugar was also a huge source of frustration. I always wanted more and there was never enough.

A few years back, my Mom told me a story that really clinched it for me. I was brought up in a small community near Montreal where my father was the Rabbi of the orthodox synagogue. I attended the local nursery and since we kept strictly kosher, I was not allowed to eat from the cake and treats at the birthday parties. On the days there was a birthday, my mother would send me to nursery with a bag of kosher food to have during the party. One day, the teacher came to my Mom very upset and apologetic. She had found me hiding under the table and eating the sweets from the party. I have no memory of this. Just so you understand – I was a good girl and listened to my parents. I also firmly believed in G-d and the laws of the Jewish Bible (still do). Yet, from the time I was a little girl and well into adulthood, my parents’ strict forbiddance, and even the commandment of God was not enough to keep me away from the sugar. I would steal from my Mom’s wallet and go buy non-kosher candy at the store. It was always the tastiest! I would drive my bike many kilometers away, so that no-one would see “the Rabbi’s daughter” buying a McDonald’s milkshake.

For many years I thought my mother deprived us in our childhood because we never had junk food in the house, and that my twisted attitude towards sweets and junk food is a result of that deprivation. Now that I understand the workings of food addiction I know that’s a bunch of crap. Both my parents have an unhealthy attitude towards food but that’s not why I am like I am. It’s just in my DNA, there’s no one to blame – including myself. If there had been more junk I would have eaten more junk, and my attitude is twisted because I have a brain that is sensitive/addicted to sugar. By not keeping junk in the house my Mom saved me from the suffering of being a fat child. If we had had junk in the house I would have been fat. Today, I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

At the age of 17 I left home and went to live in Israel. Throughout the years I called myself “pleasantly plump” but inside I always felt fat and yearned to lose those 5kg (10 pounds) that would give me that nice figure and all would be right in the world. Another bunch of crap.

At the age of 20, I got married to the sweetest, gentlest and most accepting man. He never noticed or cared about what I ate or what I weighed. Can you guess what that meant to me? Yup, carte blanche to eat as much junk as I want whenever I want. I spent more and more money and time eating junk and I began bingeing on a regular basis. I gained weight and when I complained about leg pain a nurse suggested I try to lose weight. I decided that’s it. I began to count calories and for the first time in my life I managed to diet and lose 8kg. I looked and felt great.

This lasted about 3 years, including 9 months of travelling in the far east and Australia. For 9 dreamy months we had no pressure, just fun, and for the first (and last) time in my life, junk food was not at the center of my existence. I was able to take it or leave it.

My sugar addiction really took off after my first son was born and continued to progress to the age of 32. I am a registered nurse – I could have taught a dietician about good nutrition, yet I was completely incapable of applying to myself all those smart, wonderful tips on how to eat healthy. Occasional bingeing turned into 3-4 times a week and finally into this non-stop eating frenzy all day. I could eat incredible amounts of food including at mealtimes. I never felt hungry and never felt full. I just felt like I need to eat, all the time. Each year I gained more weight and by the age of 32, pleasantly plump had turned into unpleasantly fat.

I couldn’t understand what’s wrong with me. I was a successful woman in so many areas of my life – marriage, career, family, and yet in the one area that I wanted to succeed most I was an utter failure. I pretended it didn’t matter that I’m fat and managed to fool everyone except me.

One day a new doctor came to the clinic I was working at. She was quite heavy but told me she had lost 20 kg in group psychology therapy that treated overeating as an addiction. She said that some people are addicted to food like others are addicted to drugs. It was like a lightbulb went on in my head. Yes! That’s me. I really am a junk food junkie - there is such a thing! I went for therapy, lost 7 kg and after a year was pronounced “cured”. That helped until we a year later when we had a financial crisis and boom - I was back in the food.

Here is where God / The Universe / Fate/ whatever you want to call it intervened. I had no money to go back to that nice, well-meaning psychologist, so I went to a 12-step program. There they took a small sum and talked about being addicted to food. It took. I lost 22 kg in 4 years. I took a sponsor, did service, spoke and sponsored. Until today I live the spiritual program of the 12 steps to the best of my ability. I have had some relapses including a year when I went out – went back into the food, gained 10 kg of fat and tons of misery, came back to the 12 step rooms and got abstinent again 12 years ago. I lost 5kg of the weight I had regained and 5kg stayed on as a souvenir.

Some years ago, I cam across some OA literature that made me realize there are people and centers in the US that treat food addiction professionally. It was a kind of epiphany for me. There were no professional “rehab” services in Israel for food addicts that I knew of. I personally knew a number of food addicts who had died or were severely sick from their addiction and wondered if professional help could have made a difference for them.

I began to dream of bringing this about in Israel. First, I dreamt, then I read, then I researched, then I travelled to meet professional food addiction counselors and learn about their programs. All the while I was working full time in the pharmaceutical industry. For six years I researched and studied but had no time to do anything about it.

In 12 step programs there is a saying that God does for you what you cannot do for yourself. I thought I could not leave the financial security of my job and just when things were going really well for me in my career, my boss left the company. A new manager came to replace her and from the beginning it was clear she did not want me in her department. This had never happened to me before. I was a hard working and dedicated employee and always got along really well with my bosses. One part of me screamed - WHAT?? How can this be happening? In parallel another inner voice said – “Maybe it’s a sign that it's time to go and realize your dream”. With some heavenly placed suggestions and advice, I did not fight it, I let it happen. I actually made a decision that the best thing for me is to get fired and that's exactly what happened. I had worked as a hired employee for 30 years and had never even come close to getting fired , and within 2 months of getting this new boss I was booted out the door. It was so hard!! It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

It gave me the opportunity to open my own business for food addiction counselling. You see, getting fired was actually the greatest thing that ever happened to me, it pushed me to finally realize my dream and gave me purpose to my work and life that I had never dreamed possible – which just shows that we don't always know what is best for us. Here's the best part of it – throughout this very traumatic period of being fired I did run to the food to soothe myself, escape reality or anything else. I ran to friends, my rock-solid hubby, inspirational videos and podcasts, but not the food. My recovery from food addiction takes precedence over everything else in my life because it makes everything else in my life so much better.

Since then, I have dedicated myself full time to helping other sugar/food addicts find release from the clutches of their addiction. I hope to help as many people as I can experience the freedom of recovery from sugar addiction. My mission is to help others be free of the obsession as I have been freed.

Is this possible? You bet! The most amazing part is that there are so many ways, that everyone can find the right path for him/herself. I’m here to take you by the hand and show you the way.